Though we all have different convictions about what things are permissible in the Christian life, we are still to obey God in the things He has clearly commanded. Paul says we should “pursue what makes for peace” (Romans 14:19). Paul is not expecting us to simply allow peace to grow out of nothing. We should be actively pursuing peace.
So then, what do we do when we have those disagreements about what is permissible? Paul changes the focus. Instead of asking, “Am I allowed to do this?” Paul tells us to ask, “Does this build up my brother and me?”
Notice that Paul says “mutual upbuilding.” He is concerned not only with building up our brother, but with our building one another up. To echo Paul’s statement in 1 Corinthians 10:23, “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.
Paul does not want our liberty to damage the brother in whom God is working. This is important because Paul again makes his stance clear: “Everything is indeed clean” (Romans 14:20). He does not back down from what he earnestly believes. However, he also makes it clear that simply because he understands this to be true, he should not entice someone who disagrees with him into eating what that person considers unclean: “It is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats.”
Paul reinforces his argument: “It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble” (Romans 14:21). If exercising your liberty would lead your weaker brother to violate his conscience, then it is a good thing to abstain. Again, as Paul has said before, we do not live to ourselves, but to God, and we do not live by ourselves, but with the other members of the body. We must remember that what we do can affect both the name of Christ and the lives of our brothers and sisters.
Paul tells us that before God, we can know that the Christian life is not restricted by rules about eating and drinking. Yet, out of concern for the conscience of our weaker brothers, we can abstain. Since our conscience is clear, we glorify God by abstaining from what we can rightfully do. However, the one whose conscience is not clear cannot do what his conscience forbids. So we who are stronger in the faith can humble ourselves in love and accommodate his scruples.
In the end, all things should be done in faith. Whether eating, drinking, observing days or abstaining, or not observing days, all things must be done in faith.
For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.
-steve